Metal Beloved

Its been so long since I've written a passage here. I do not know where to start. I view my return on here more like a staggering drunk walking into a formal reception. Almost speechless and not wanting to ruin the party. Anyhow, I've been simply busy living. Busy befriending, coping, re-exploring life at its best. Simply, but not tainted in its mediocrity.

I'm content at this point. Sitting here, another sleepless night and a restless dark morning. My six reptilian children sleep like my beloved. When I speak of children, I mean tails & scales. Claws and fangs that will not harm anyone. They are adorable babies. A milksnake, a boa, two ball pythons, a bearded dragon, and a tegu. They're wonderful children indeed.

Funny, I'm sitting here thinking about the most mundane things. How I cannot wait to sit at my new favorite coffee shop. Sipping on coffee surrounded by Egyptian decor and settle company.

My mind wonders to a strange dream I had the other evening. It was like a fever dream. It was frightening and ridiculous at the same time. In the dream, my beloved had a strange surgical procedure where he transformed into a cyborg of some sort. Frightening with his humanoid head in his torso, mangled in metal and brass (I think). His mind was tampered by the metal and circuits. His mental state was changing and I wanted to get away from him as fast as possible. I ran, and he broke through walls running after me. My beloved wants me to draw or paint this image of him as a cyborg. I'll see what I can do with that. Perhaps I'll post it on here, if I get around to do it.

Mad Ravings #6 ; The Flood

Stick it in deeper. Twist it in. The torment is bittersweet. Mixed memories, jumbled together. One holds you down & the other cries. One presses his lips upon yours while the other drowns in sorrow. A temporary release causes a permanent scar.

Let him bite your shoulder. The other bites his fist. The other throws you against the wall. The other throws your memories, shattering them to pieces. They both stick it in. Pleasure and pain, combined at the same moment. Screams in the night. Tears of relentless pain. Tears of intense ecstasy. Spill enough tears to cause another flood.

Try to drown that sorrow & watch your world submerge into a dark abyss. Turn around & face that tidal wave. Wave upon wave lashing upon the cities you've created. Everything you've dreamed of. Your hopes, desires washes away in a heart beat. Everything you've built crumbled away by the massive collision of the sea. There's no escape. That high ground is far to reach. The water is rising.

No use in panicking. Hush. Close your eyes. Take a deep breathe. For the infidelity, here comes the flood.

Mad Ravings #5 ; Scourged Heart

The sentence was already made when the act was committed. A fool. A criminal. Judged, sentenced, guilty. Caught red handed. The crime that cannot be undone. Accepted decision. Locked away in exile. The mind holds no leniency. No mercy. A hand's gentle touch on the shoulder is the likeness of a sharp kick in the ribs. Do not complain or despair. Feel the sharp, throbbing ache on every rib. The bones vibrate and the flesh pulsates. Take it. Its necessary. The wanted pain helps subside the guilt. The affliction makes it better. A conscious to bleed. The pain becomes a need.

Nothing worse than seeing those tears shed. Watching them all cry. Knowing that you're at fault for the spearing. How can one live knowing they jabbed that blade into a loved one's heart? A defender become sadistic murderer. That pain is worse than a fist, kick, cane, whip, stone, blade, or flame. So clench your fist. Bite down on your tongue. Shut your eyes. Tense that body and take that excruciating pain. You've earned it.

Mad Ravings #4 ; A Dark Kingdom

So the fight continues with a nebulous wanting. The weapons are fate, hate, lust, pain, guilt, & despair. The sword is virtue and the shield is a vow. The biggest promise ; a pact. Sealed with a kiss for all to witness. A royal coronation of king and queen amongst all significant entities. A seal amongst lilies, roses, & exotics from Gobekli's best. The ore of shining white lavished in sapphire sealed the deal. A ceremonial event likeness to Arthur and Guinevere.

Like the tale unfolds, a stranger arrives from a mist. A dark wanderer. A drifter of elegant enchantment. Strong like an oak & fierce like a wolf. There the stifling affair began. Lancelot tantalizing Guinevere. Drustanus seduces Iseult.

Eve convinced that the red apple was absolutely irresistible. The red luscious fruit, sweet to the taste. It's juices succulent can release joy, wonder, & satisfaction. Elusive and euphoric fulfillment with every bite. Swallow the morsel & take in the satiable fantastic confection.

The splendid sweetness turn sour. Joy turned oppression. Paradise engulfed in doom. The event has come to pass. The consequence has befallen the masses of the kingdom. Yet hope was not lost. There was time. There was a cure. A relief & release. Still with time, there was also the corruption that still begs to be let back in. A power struggle begins. Forces intertwine, and a strong transfusion begins. An eclipse has occurred. Light & darkness combined as one & has not yet returned to its alignment. The sun & moon ; day & night, joined as one.

Is there a fighting chance? The kingdom consumed by an endless gloom. Gray skies punctured by yellow flashing lightning. A beautiful terror. An opaque wonder. A morbid sight. This splendor can only last so long, before it loses its luster.

The longing for blue skies, bright sun, and warm air is bound to tease. Such a paradise that hasn't been seen for some time. When will the eclipse end? Its hard to predict when the sun will return. Ra can rise again. Gabriel's luminous ornament can ascend through the night. Ur can once again enjoy the light of day and the majestic of the night separately. Soon. Someday. In a matter of time.

Mad Ravings #3 ; Unleashed With A Kiss

Cannot believe how far it had gotten. What seemed harmless, shattered dreams. The simplicity converted to many complications. The simplest wrong defied the hardest right. The result was unbearable. The aftermath of the catastrophe was devastating. Yet the bridge did not fall. It had not collapsed. The cables swayed and the steel beams creaked. There it stands, beyond the sullen landscape, awaiting the light to rise above the horizon.

Pain sleaze it's way in, seducing the hearts of many. The scoundrel responsible for letting the tramp in, is the one who peeks through the mirror. How and why cannot be answered. Could have... would have...should have been apocalyptic. Almost released the Leviathon. Could have provoked the Behemoth. Close to breaking the frozen gates of hell. Something beastly would have been unleashed.

One breath - the bind is lost.
One kiss - a friend is lost.
One touch - the kingdom falls.
One embrace.... long live the king.

Mad Ravings #2 ; The Fiend

It seems to happen at the most awkward times. Seemingly out of no where, the hunger overpowers. The cravings kick in. The longings fester within, so dark & bittersweet. A quick fix, a sweet rapture. One time ; twice, maybe thrice. One more piece of heaven ; just once more. An inner fiend begins to long for one more lustful fix.

The realities arise. Morality conquers & the longing subsides. That sweet surrender is a hellish torture. A cloaked demon. A wolf in sheep's clothing. A deceitful shield. A painful reality. One problem. One solution.

Alone, in darkness. An endless emptiness. Hollow place, thick with dismay, not even a echo nor any reverberation can be muttered. Depressing place, its perfect for the small exile. Seeking absolution for a massive crime. To sweat out the desire. Kill the need. Kill the pain once and for all. Selfishness unbound, reckless and free. This pain causes a despair not only for one, but for all that are around. The torture is necessary. Its the way out. The cure.

Mad Ravings #1 ; The Two Lions

Caught in a mysterious void of headaches and delusions. Whether my methodical transition is at fault is further to one's knowledge. Within the pain, blood, migraines, and ravings lies a deeper disturbance. A precursor of darkness and despair that still lies within the depths of the psyche that does not seem to abate silently. Difficult to contain and tame the wild beasts within. Two lions ; one white, one black. Both representing two utmost convictions to the heart. The white lion stands behind the banner of truth, dignity, loyalty, love, and moral virtues. The opposing black lion stands behind the onyx shield of rage, guilt, dominance, desire, deceit, and immoral power. The lions, dormant in their own caves, frequently plunge out to battle one another.
These battles are long, gruesome, and arduous. Gnarls, lashes, bites, and submission ; these lions seem not to submit to defeat to no avail. Such shame that two beautiful deadly creatures can tear each other apart for virtues that can be trivial. Trivial at certain moments and hellishly consequential at others.
Time passes ever so slowly and the mirrored lions continue, moving in seeming allocation with each other. Never missing a beat nor a blow. Constantly in complete symmetry and in graceful coordination. An elegant & morbid brawl to a likeness of a dance. A choreographic display of violence without a champion. The battle continues between the beasts, so the war is no where near to its end.
A wanted intention turns to a misguided mistake. Slap on the face for guilt, yet the extremes do not seem to help. The flesh of the mind becomes numb to sorrow and guilt. Walking towards good attempt, abruptly becomes intercepted with a collapse of the ground. One step forward equals three feet below.
An embrace with a scratch on the back. A kiss with teeth sunken into the lip. Burning desires turn into a torture chamber. All that is needed are the shackles, chains, and the whip. One's own prison ; a cell of iron. Bite the leather & take the lashes one by one as they keep coming. Justice or penitence? Unbound or control? The stark mad ravings seem to have no end.